Miriam

Christ is all
I was brought up in a household with Christian parents and regularly attended the church where my father was the minister. I was generally a well-behaved, pious, hard-working girl, who knew all the Bible stories and choruses and, at a glance, appeared to be a Christian. I said the right things, did the right things and knew the right things. But I was not a Christian. I knew all about Jesus, but deep down I had no thought or time for God. It just wasn’t real to me.
In my early teenage years I went on a Christian young people’s camp. There, for the first time, I really listened to what was said, and God graciously opened my spiritual eyes: I saw that my own ‘credentials for heaven’ meant absolutely nothing to God. I saw that ‘all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God’ (Romans 3:23) and that ‘there is none righteous, no, not one’ (Romans 3:10). I was not good enough to go to heaven because a holy God demands absolute perfection, and I had fallen way short.
Thankfully, God did not leave us in this state of hopelessness. He sent his Son, Jesus Christ, to die on the cross and suffer all the punishment due for the sins of his people instead of them. The Bible says, ‘For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in him should not perish, but have everlasting life’ (John 3:16).

Turmoil
I realised that I needed to believe in Jesus and repent of my sins, so I prayed to God and asked for forgiveness. Afterwards I did not feel any different. Perhaps my prayer hadn’t worked? Perhaps God didn’t want to forgive me? Despite these doubts, I resolved to read my Bible daily and pray. However, I soon slipped back into my old habits of ignoring God, the Bible, and praying.
I continued in this state until next camp, when the same thing happened; I felt convicted of sin and I prayed for forgiveness, no sudden light came and after a period of trying to be better, I slipped back into my old ways.
Then one Sunday came, and my father spoke of hell: the place where the fire is never quenched and the wicked are separated from God and punished for eternity. I realised that reality of it all. I would deservedly go to hell if I died right there and then, because I had chosen the world and empty religion over God. I felt so sinful and dirty in front of the awesome, pure and holy God, and my sin was a barrier I could not remove or hide, no matter how much I tried. It terrified me.

Peace
That night I asked my sister what I should do, and she pointed me to a book called 'Seeking God'. I eagerly read it and took hold of the promise in the Bible that it pointed to: ‘If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness’ (1 John 1:9).
I did just that and felt a calm assurance that God, my Father, had forgiven me through his Son, Jesus Christ. God showed me that the only way to have peace, forgiveness and joy was in him, and only him. I am a debtor to mercy alone.
I would be lying if I said that from that moment onwards my life dramatically changed and everything went happily ever after. My salvation is an ongoing process; my desires and wishes are being gradually changed to be more like Christ’s: I fight to no longer glorify myself; and seek, through His strength, to live for Christ’s glory. At times my life has been much more difficult than before, and full of times when I have messed up and sometimes have backslidden. However, God will never leave me nor forsake me. His love to an unworthy sinner is steadfast and unchanging, as it says in the hymn:

‘My name from the palms of his hands
Eternity will not erase;
Impressed on His heart it remains
In marks of indelible grace.’

God's glory
I know that Jesus died on the cross for my sins and that everything is all about God and his grace and mercy. I can rest assured that I am safe in God’s hands whatever may come, whether it is painful or pleasant. Everything will work together for Christ’s glory. Colossians 3:11 says, ‘Christ is all’.